On Suffering and Compassion

 When we see a doctor, we are not looking for a judgment, but for a remedy. The diagnosis is important, but it is not enough. We want to be healed, not to be wiser, even if being wiser is more important.

When someone tells you that they are suffering, try to console them. Be compassionate. Be careful… Before telling them something wise, or true, ask yourself whether they really do not know it, or whether they suffer because of lack of knowledge. Ask yourself why they are suffering, or what would help them to heal. And if you do not know, ask the suffering person. A good doctor asks good questions before making a good diagnosis. Moreover, asking questions allows sometimes those who suffer to see better why they suffer and what would then help them.

Telling someone to carry their cross, without helping them or without suffering with them (“compassion” means “suffering with”), is not doing what Jesus did. Sometimes we do that in order to get rid of the person who is suffering. We have lots of problems and we do not need another one. But, again, this is not what Jesus did. We sometimes treat the suffering person as a problem that needs to be fixed, and so we tell the person how to fix it so that they can leave us alone… Other times, we treat the person as if they were guilty of suffering: “if you had faith, you would not suffer or be afraid or be worried.” We do not like to see suffering, in ourselves or in others, and so we want it out of our sight. But denying suffering does not fix it, it only hides it. Instructing suffering does not heal it, unless the person suffers for ignorance. 

Suffering emotions are not an evil to be hidden, but a part of ourselves to be healed and to be redeemed. Suffering emotions are not healed by intellectual knowledge. Nobody knew better than Jesus about the power, love and mercy of God, and nobody was sad and anxious like He was. Jesus did not hide his emotions from his friends, nor did he hide his sufferings (Mark 14:34, “‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,’ he said to them. ‘Stay here and keep watch with me.’”; cf. Lamentations 1:12). He looked for compassion, for consolers… and did not find many (cf. Psalm 69:20).

May we console Jesus in others. Sometimes it is not a matter of fixing the problem, but simply a matter of being with them, suffering with them the fact that we can do nothing. And, actually, this compassion heals something deeper in the suffering person: their sense of dignity. Thanks to our compassion, they may stop thinking that they are a wreck, rejected, unlovable, and begin to see themselves as a found treasure, as someone loved.

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